There have been times when the only reason I hold on to my faith, is because I believe in what the church is doing in the lives of so many. Giving people a sense of identity, and assuring them that there is more to life then what the world has convinced them about.
You see, when I look at how the church has attracted the young ones, and given them a group to which they can belong to, I am thankful for such an organisation for giving them a rulebook in life by which they can live by. I believe that the church is the one organisation that is influential and rich enough to persuade people to devote their lives to a ‘greater cause’, and create a social bubble in which no one would dare question this overarching authority over the entire system. (Who are you to argue with God?)
Today, it struck me that if it came down to choosing between staying on in the church, or continuing to work as a teacher in a school (and thus being in a position of influence as well), then I might just choose to continue teaching. These past few months have possibly been the most enjoyable time I have had, and now more then ever, I believe in the value of education.
This past year, I have started to play the guitar for my cell-group, and I daresay it is because of this responsibility, that I have stayed in church. I fear if there was no guitarist, then the cell group would not be able to function effectively, and if the cell group wasnt able to function effectively, how would we be able to reach out to the people out there who needed the sense of identity that the church would provide?
They ask that I should take time out to ‘reconnect with God’, but I have absolutely no idea how. The idea of ’sensing His presense’, is too vague for me, and I dont know if I have ever been in His presense in the first place, and that the past 2+ years in church has been a lie for me.
Tonight, I am past being simply tired. A year ago, I dropped my responsibilities in the cellgroup in the hope that it was just the red tape that was tiring me out from the initial enthusiasm, but a year on, I find that the problem runs deeper than that -
because you cannot argue with God.
